Disowned

Ok this is about the strangest and somewhat troubling thing - ok completely troubling thing that i didn't expect going into the holiday season this year.

Getting disowned by the family - well by one family member (the only one i see regularly) - family has always been a complicated thing being that others in the fam tree have avoided our branch due to mom's being crazy.

Its always been a rough ride dealing with Mom in that she is harsh cruel and dosn't really show any evidence of trying to change that. Its not like i don't know she is mean - I limit how much I hang out at her place - but check in on her regularly since Dad died. Trying to do the right thing and honor the parents and look out for her no matter what barbs she was tossing my way.

So recently took her over to the mini storage to help her ferret out some papers she needs and she flipped out and started cussing me directly as she had brought the wrong keys and made it my fault. WTF?

She then itemizes catagorizes the hows & whys the way I live is in her words "Fuck Upped Crazy Messed Up" so some more expletives come way whilst I try to explain to her hey lets just go find the right keys the worlds not ending cause she brought the wrong keys and this just flips her out more.

Anyways i hadn't gotten that type of lambasting fury from her since I was 12 and actually thought at the time she might be right about some of that stuff (being 12 they don't really tell you that crazy people will lie to kids and make them think there is something messed up about them instead of the crazy person) - took years to sort out that warped point of view. and to have it visit again was pretty unreal.

So drive her back to her house and she starts talking about that she dosn't want me coming around to visit anymore, and goes into more of this litany of how much she dislikes my life and the choices I have made and that it would be better just to stay away for good.

So thats it basically disowned - granted I have to take stock in that its not the first time to be hurt by this person - just leaves me feeling unattached confused and floating that and down.

I do have a solid group of good friends - but how the hell do I explain to them that I am getting disowned at this late date in life and for no actions of my own. I don't want to talk shit about my mother being crazy and all but there isn't much other way to explain me feeling odd for the holidays.